TFZ

Frequently Asked Questions

How can someone be transgender and a member of the Church?

Gender identity is a deeply personal and complex aspect of who we are, separate from gender expression or sexual orientation. Every individual's journey with their gender identity is unique, and there's no single way to be transgender.

For me, and for many others, being transgender is a part of our identity, just like being gay or lesbian is part of someone else's. We can integrate this understanding of ourselves with our faith and participation in the Church.

The Church itself acknowledges this complexity on its website, stating in the "Understanding Yourself" section: “Some people feel their inner sense of gender does not align with their biological sex at birth. The Church does not take a position on the causes of these feelings. Some who experience these feelings identify as transgender.” This statement affirms that transgender individuals can find a place within the Church community, and I'm a testament to that possibility.

How does your identity fit within the Plan of Salvation?

Quite simply, it doesn't appear that it fits at all. Like many aspects of faith, interpretations of gender roles and the Plan of Salvation vary. Many transgender Latter-day Saints find ways to reconcile their understanding of these concepts with their lived experience. It's a topic of ongoing personal study and revelation.

How do you reconcile your gender identity with Church teachings on gender?

This is a deeply personal question, and the answer is unique to each individual. It often involves prayer, study, and seeking guidance from the Spirit. There is no single, prescribed way to reconcile these aspects of oneself.

For me, it's been a process of seeking personal revelation and a journey of growth and learning. While the Proclamation initially seemed to present a challenge, I've come to believe that God speaks to us individually and guides us on our unique paths. Through prayer and pondering, I've felt a strong confirmation that embracing my gender identity is right for me. This doesn't mean I'm rejecting Church teachings, but rather that I'm seeking to understand them in a way that's consistent with my own experiences and the promptings of the Spirit.

I believe that God loves and accepts us all, and that includes those of us who are transgender. I've felt the Spirit confirm that embracing my true self is part of my journey toward becoming the person God wants me to be.

When did you know you were transgender?

While the terminology didn't exist in my very young mind, I knew that I felt different from an early age. My earliest memories of gender dysphoria came at around 5 years old.

I noted in a personal journal entry a few years ago this memory: "I'm five years old. It's 6 am, well before school. Mom lets me watch PBS in the mornings before I go to preschool at Mrs. Wing's house. Mr. Rogers is speaking to me. I love Mr. Rogers. He makes me feel safe and loved and ok with the world. He's talking about the differences between boys and girls, but did I hear him say that boys could be girls? Probably not. But I go to bed that night and dream about waking up the next day a girl. That can't be right."

Even at that young age, I remember longing, wishing, and waiting for the moment that I would be magically transformed into a version of myself that I felt more comfortable with. It's a feeling that stayed with me for many years, even though I didn't have the words to describe it at the time.

What pronouns do you use?

My pronouns are he/him/his. This is something I've given a lot of thought to, especially in light of the Church's guidelines on gender and identity. While I identify as transgender, I've chosen not to socially transition at this time. This means I continue to use the pronouns that align with my assigned sex at birth.

This decision comes from a place of personal reflection and seeking guidance from the Spirit. I respect the counsel of Church leaders and want to navigate my journey in a way that feels both authentic to me and respectful of the community I belong to.

It's important to acknowledge that this is a complex and evolving issue, and there are many perspectives within the Church. I honor the experiences of those who choose to socially transition, and I also respect those who choose not to. Ultimately, I believe it's a matter of personal revelation and following the path that feels right for each individual.

What name do you prefer?

I prefer to go by Rylee, but RyanDavid is wonderful as well.

What has your experience been like with your ward/family/friends?

I've been incredibly fortunate to have a supportive network of family, friends, and ward members. Everyone I've shared my story with has responded with grace and love.

Of course, there are times when a deep understanding might be lacking, but I believe that's where proximity and open communication come in. By sharing my experiences and being open to questions, I've found that I can build bridges and foster understanding even with those who might initially have different perspectives.

I always invite those who know me to ask questions and share any concerns they might have. I believe that honest and open dialogue is crucial for creating a space of love and acceptance, even amidst differing viewpoints.

Most importantly of all, I am lucky enough to have a kind, empathetic, and supportive wife by my side. She was willing to walk with me in my journey from the time we met. It is her heart that I consider above all others because there can be great grief and loss associated with dysphoria. Because of this, and many other personal reasons, I must be thoughtful in the way I share my story.

I'm grateful for the relationships I have, especially with my wife, and for the way they've supported me on my journey. Their love and understanding have been invaluable.

What are the biggest challenges you face?

Misunderstanding and Judgment: It's not always easy for people to understand experiences different from their own, which can lead to hurtful misunderstandings or judgments. Bridging those gaps takes patience and open communication.
Fear of Losing Relationships: One of my biggest fears is losing relationships with loved ones who might not understand or accept my gender identity. Balancing being true to myself with maintaining those connections is an ongoing challenge.
Safety and Acceptance: Living in a primarily conservative area, there are legitimate safety concerns that come with being visibly transgender. Finding a sense of belonging and acceptance can also be challenging.
Internal Conflict: Balancing my faith with my gender identity can create internal conflict, requiring ongoing effort to find peace and reconciliation.

Despite these challenges, I remain committed to being true to myself and to finding my place within the Church and my community. I believe that through open communication, vulnerability, and a willingness to learn from one another, we can create a more inclusive and loving space for everyone.

Are you planning on transitioning/have you transitioned?

This is a very personal question.

I have no plans to transition, either socially or medically. This is a decision that comes from a place of personal reflection, prayer, and seeking guidance from the Spirit. It's a path that feels right for me at this point in my journey.

It's important to emphasize that decisions about transitioning are deeply personal. Some transgender individuals choose to medically or socially transition, while others do not. There is no single right way to be transgender, and I deeply respect the choices that others make for themselves.

I believe it's crucial to avoid making assumptions about anyone's journey and to create a space where everyone feels respected and valued, regardless of their path.

Doesn't this mean you're gay?

This question highlights an important distinction. Gender identity and sexual orientation are separate aspects of who we are.

To answer your question directly, I do not experience any attraction toward men.

However, it's crucial to understand that a transgender person can be gay, lesbian, bisexual, straight, or any other sexual orientation. Just because someone is transgender, doesn't automatically determine their sexual orientation.

I can only imagine how challenging it must be for those who experience same-sex attraction and are also transgender. The process of coming out and embracing one's identity can be complex, and it might feel like there's an added layer of difficulty when navigating both gender identity and sexual orientation. I have tremendous respect for those who are on that journey.

How can I be a better ally?

I love this question! It shows a genuine desire to support the LGBTQ+ community, and that's truly appreciated.

To answer your question, I'll borrow a phrase from my favorite LGBTQ+ podcast: Listen, learn, and love.

Here are some ways you can put that into action, especially within a faith-based context:

Educate Yourself: Take the time to learn about LGBTQ+ issues, terminology, and experiences. Read books, listen to podcasts, and engage with resources from reputable organizations. Understanding is the foundation of allyship.
Listen with Empathy: When someone shares their story with you, listen with an open heart and without judgment. Their experiences are real and valid, even if they differ from your own.
Love without Condition: Show love and acceptance to all, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. Remember that Christ's love extends to everyone.
Advocate for Inclusion: Speak up for inclusion and equality within your ward, community, and family. Challenge prejudice and create space for everyone to feel welcome and valued.
Offer Support: Be a source of support for LGBTQ+ individuals. Let them know you're there for them, whether they need someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, or an advocate in their corner.
Practice Patience: Change takes time, and understanding doesn't always happen overnight. Be patient with yourself and others as you navigate these complex issues.
Pray for Guidance: Seek guidance from the Spirit on how you can best be an ally and show love to those who need it most.

Remember, allyship is an ongoing journey, not a destination. It requires continuous learning, self-reflection, and a commitment to creating a more loving and inclusive world.